Then in my dream, I told the doctor off...

...He said if you don't want to do it
then you don't have to do it
He said the truth is
You'll be okay, anyway.

My listening directly affects my viewing.
Regina Spektor, one of the loves of my life (I shall explain my love of creatively insane females sometime) did that fun old thing where she pops up on shuffle. I text my sister about crispy crispy Benjamin Franklin. Because that's a thing we do. Or a thing I did one time before, so now a thing I've done twice.
Basically someone playing tenacious D in the studio leads to me watching pick of destiny, which lead to me doing something probably stupid.
Basically Regina coming up on shuffle leads to me re-watching (500) days of summer, which lead to me wanting to be a proper girl. Yeah I don't see the link there either, but ah well.
I think I need this dress: (the back of it is pretty, alas being poor)

But does it go against who I am, or who I am trying to be? Maybe there is a reason I don't wear dresses, I don't know. I'll wait for a few more people to tell me I actually have legs that can be shown, then I'll think about it.

xxx

Oh dear.

This is an observation someoney recentl made about me:

"i enjoyed your don't give a fuck attitude"


This can't be good can it?

Have I changed?

"The bull and the bear are marking their territories...

...They're leading the blind with their international glories."

5pm to 5am, service as usual?
I think I got my waking hours the wrong way round today.
I sort of stumbled into consciousness and it was already dark outside.
I think I fear the day. Those normal business hours are daunting. Unless there is something planned or somewhere I have to be, I tend to get lost with possibility.
This impossible freedom means I eat when I’m hungry and sleep when I’m tired. Even though I know that’s not how I'm supposed to do things.
Mainly because I’m always tired and never hungry.

But if I’m asleep then the thoughts that weigh me down turn to dreams. And the lack of control over those dreams is comforting. Whether they are my subconscious seeping out or just a random mix of confusing electrical impulses, memory or fantasy, there is nothing I can do to change them. And I’m ok with that. They are something no one else sees or cares about. Nothing important. And that's what I need more of, things I don't have to worry about.

Circadian rhythms, guns and caves, this psychology is messing with my head.

Goodnight, sweet dreams x